December 23, 2011 8:56:00 PM
Football! Football! Football! For those who love that sport, this time of year is a feast. There are games on one channel or another every day of the week. College, professional and even high school matches have been at our fingertips. We can watch pre-game programs, post-game recaps, and, through the magic of modern technology, can relive the excitement over and over again.
This is all wonderful for my husband and many "team players" just like him. But, what about the rest of the world, like me? This may come as a huge shock, but there are actually patriotic Americans who do not like football.
This leads us to fill many hours with our own sort of amusement. We may read, or play computer games, or (God forbid!) do housework. Here are some of my various pastimes.
I recently decided to "tackle" (see how football vocabulary can come in handy) my closet. This was quite productive. I found a couple of wearable blouses that I had forgotten I owned. I also discovered four shoes without mates. It is a great mystery how this could happen, since I seldom go anywhere in only one shoe. We all know about the one-legged man who steals socks from the dryer. Now there is evidence he has a one-legged wife who steals shoes.
This project also resulted in creating two rather large "sacks" of clothing to donate to the Palmer Home Thrift Store.
Who let the dogs out?
Well, that would be me. They "rush" around the back yard, and never go "out of bounds" because there are fences on all sides.
The "score" is quite different when they are released into the front yard. Charlotte is usually the "first down" the steps, onto the lawn to check out what messages have been left by canines from other "teams" in the monkey grass at the "end" of our walkway.
Sometimes they "run" too near our neighbors' "yards." There are "penalties" for that. When called, they quickly come "running back" to the "safety" of the porch. Luckily, I am there to be the "referee."
The football season is also the time to "kickoff" Christmas shopping. I am not one of those aggressive bargain hunters who "block" others to "score." I believe that I deserve the "extra point" for "playing fair."
Of course, I also like to do almost nothing. I "touchdown" in my comfy chair, which is so soft on my "end zone," and "block" all phone calls. This works for at least a "quarter" or two, even up 'til "halftime," if I'm feeling particularly lazy.
I suppose this column will not amuse the diehard sports fans, like Chris. However, you can't say I haven't learned anything from football. Of course, the season is not endless, even if it seems so. The hours, weeks and months of games eventually taper into playoffs and the Super Bowl. Then, we can look forward to basketball season, and later, baseball games.
All best wishes to you sports fans and those who must tolerate it all. Hope your holidays are a "ball"!
Adele Elliott, a New Orleans native, moved to Columbus after Hurricane Katrina.
5. King of the Con Men BOOK REVIEWS