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MSU Mailbag: Jace Christmann the animal, Parks and Rec v. The Office and more

 

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Man is it good to be doing a MSU Mailbag again. This was some of the best fun I had last football season, and as the men's basketball and baseball teams should be good enough to maintain interest throughout, we might have fodder to do these mailbags all academic year long. Cross that bridge when we come to it. 

 

- Our first question comes not from a friend of the Mailbag, but from a friend of the writer of the Mailbag: Robby Donoho, @RobbyDonoho, who is definitely a private citizen and has never had a job in the public realm, you've definitely never heard that name before. His question: If Jace Christmann was an animal in the wild, what would it be? 

 

This is a shockingly good question from someone who has no experience asking questions in the public sector. It made my mind go all over the place: Maybe Jace would be a lion, for he is a king; maybe Jace would be a bald eagle, for he is revered as equally incredible; maybe Jace would be a bear, for he is feared by those that can't match his physical skills. 

 

Then it hit me. The real answer is: goat. Jace would be a goat, because he is the greatest of all time. 

 

- Friend on the Florida beat, Nick de la Torre (@NickdelaTorreGC) asks: On a scale of 1-72.8, how much do you miss Will Sammon? (As a quick aside, Nick is a good follow on the Florida beat.) 

 

Oh Will, long lost friend Will. How I miss how you're constantly in the barber shop, how I miss how you only have about 10 pieces of clothing to your name, how I miss how Ben Howland loved nothing more in life than answering your questions at a press conference, how I miss your inexplicable tendency to drive home immediately after games that are definitely too far away to be driven home from. 

 

I'll comply to your scale and rate this as a 51.7 -- one point for every question Will would bring to a press conference. 

 

- It's time for Mailbag clearinghouse. An ombudsman, if you will. And that man is @dalemo830 -- What is your policy for granting a follow back? Asking for a friend. 

 

The policy is mostly to catch me in a good mood, which you did after I had a ballin' burrito bowl and some Ben and Jerry's (Tonight Dough, for those of you that are curious). Daniel has won the honor of a follow back. Use this power well, young man. 

 

- While we're on the subject of questions that are impeccably timed, Oliver McLoed (@dak4knight) comes in with one -- Which is better: The Office or Parks and Rec, and why is the answer Parks and Rec? Also, what is the correct way to pronounce "gif"? (Don't look up creator's opinion, he's wrong.) 

 

The timing of this question is excellent because I'm currently in Season 8 of The Office (SPOILER: the first one post-Michael Scott) with my wife. She had seen bits and pieces of The Office, but never fully dedicated to a complete start to finish watching of it, is doing so now and finds it hilarious. It's about time, if you ask me. It might be the biggest indictment on me as a person that it's taken nearly five years of marriage to make this happen. 

 

To compare the two, this one's tough for me. I mean, I have a sticker of Ron Swanson on my laptop, you guys. The man is a national legend and hero. I give a slight lean to The Office for reasons that I can't really explain. Maybe it's the sheer number of funny characters, where Parks and Rec generally keeps it to a core seven characters or so as The Office expands in its later seasons to the point where you see as many as a dozen characters doing funny things in each episode. Maybe it's the That's What She Said meme. Maybe it's Dwight Schrute, in my opinion the most unique and most well portrayed character among the two series. I can't put my finger on it, but put it this way: I don't skip reruns of either series when I'm channel surfing. 

 

As for this whole GIF/JIF debate....yup, I say it as if the word gift suddenly lost the T at the end. I don't care what that man says. I'm sure an actual linguist can prove me wrong on this, but I feel like in the English language, the hard G is more prevalent than the soft G: take that phrase from earlier in this sentence, English language, for instance, with its two hard G's and one soft G. Other examples: gold, goal, goat, grant, gasp, guard, etc. I'm sorry, technology wizard that created the GIF: GIF the way you pronounce it is a brand of peanut butter. 

 

- Alright, I guess I have to at least answer one football question before we end this thing with typical Mailbag nonsense. Mailbag OG Rob Montgomery (@10RobertWilliam) -- Will we see anything in the game against SFA that gives us a glimpse into whether or not MSU can win 10+ games? 

 

You can reasonably assume MSU won't win 10 games if the entire team gets hit with the plague during the third quarter of the game. 

 

But really, no. If MSU wins this game by 60, it tells you nothing of its ability to have a big season. Even if it loses, it tells you nothing, because a loss like this would clearly be a fluke. If it were a loss to a team such as North Dakota State or Sam Houston State, that might be telling in certain ways, but a team that I expect to be quite average in FCS this year, it'd be a total fluke. 

 

It's funny: the only thing I really wanted to learn from this game was maybe get a glimpse of how MSU is going to use Nick Fitzgerald as a runner. Welp. There goes that. 

 

- And we wrap it up with one from another Mailbag OG, J.C. Dickinson (@jcdickinson32) -- Are you sad Moorhead shaved his beard? 

 

I saved an incredibly important topic for last. Yes, I am quite disappointed. Frankly, I don't know why he was inspired to shave it for his introductory press conference. The man looks good with a beard on, don't let society and its beard oppression tell you you have to be clean shaven to be at your best. Beard power! 

 

He did explain it by saying he's going to bring it back in November for a playoff beard, if you will, but I will not take this news lying down. I will not allow my bearded brothers to feel oppressed by society. We shall rise! Against all odds! And fight Big Brother and his tyranny on well-kept facial hair! 

 

Follow Dispatch sports writer Brett Hudson on Twitter @Brett_Hudson

 

 

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