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Carol Littlejohn: Letter from an angry and heartbroken mother

 

Carol Littlejohn

 

What were you thinking? Why did you do what you did? I don't care if you were mentally ill. I don't care if you were a nerd, loner or had issues. I want answers to why you had to kill 20 elementary children and six adults. You killed your mother in her bed and you picked innocent, defenseless children in their school. You killed teachers trying to protect those children.  

 

When I think of those small, young children, I am crushed. Going off to school on a bright, sunny Friday morning, with thoughts of the week-end ahead, they had no idea you were lurking, planning. I am sure there were Christmas packages with their names on them waiting for them under the tree when they returned home. Perhaps, they were going to get their pictures made with Santa this now forlorn week-end. One may have been going to spend the night with their grandparents or singing with the children's choir on Sunday in church. A soccer game might have been waiting to have been played or a sister or brother might be coming home for Christmas. However, for you there will be no homecoming on this earth.  

 

I want to thank the teachers and administrators you thought you could ignore. They protected the precious children and grandchildren from you. Lives were lost but most of Sandy Hook Elementary students made it to the fire department to be reunited with relieved parents.  

 

But, you lay dead in the school, never to travel the halls of justice. Thank you for taking care of your own sad life so we do not have to see justice served or have to believe you are innocent until proven guilty, waiting for mental health evaluations.  

 

I guess I could fault your mother. What mother needs to keep an arsenal of guns in her house? On the other hand, it is her right to bear arms, the law tells us so. "Thou shall not kill," the Bible tells us also. Somewhere in your sick, twisted mind could you not have rationalized out your fears? How could pointing a gun at a 5-year-old make you feel better? You were too afraid to point that gun at someone that may have taken it away from you. Really you were afraid of this world but we had no idea how afraid we should have been of you. You were not a genius; you just picked on the defenseless.  

 

In some ways, I am glad your mother will never know of your horrible deeds. I am a mother and a grandmother and I do believe I could not live with what you have done had you been my son. Your mother has been spared your Friday morning rampage. She will not have to pull her blinds against a spying world or roll-up her car windows against prying press or endure the many questions of what she should have done with you. I promise, she loved you anyway, and she could not have told us why you did what you did.  

 

On Monday, my grandson will return to his kindergarten class, none the wiser of you. We will watch his measured steps into those hallowed halls of learning and pray that the likes of you will never visit here. We will pray for those taken, pray for peace of mind from a person like you and pray we will never see you near us. We do not want you for a friend, play games with you or laugh with you.  

 

I am writing this letter to you as the bodies of these angels and teachers still lay in the school you so desecrated. Their parents and families wait, grieving and thrashing, waiting to be reunited with their dead.  

 

Yes, I will watch the news of your dastardly deeds on the television and I will read the newspapers of your exploits on Friday. However, disgust will fill my mind and now, my hands as I write to you. I can only pray there are not two of you in this world. I can only wish for simpler times, less bullets and help for people like you that lurk among us.  

 

Signed, a heartbroken mother and grandmother.  

 

Carol Littlejohn, the owner of Dixie Auto Parts, is an occasional contributor to The Dispatch. Her e-mail address is carollittlejohn@cableone.net.

 

 

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