We’ve been fighting fleas in the house for over a week now. The Yogi Berra quote above pretty much describes our progress so far. I think we’ve tried every eradication method short of calling an exterminator. That’s going to happen Monday, I am told. Say hallelujah.
We’ve taken the natural route, and the list of things we’ve tried is long: diatomaceous earth (spread around the walls of every room), salt, votive candles in pie plates of dishwashing soap, diluted Dawn in a spray bottle, bombs in the attic, bombs in the wall, bombs under the house. And a lot of vacuuming.
We’ve reduced the population, but we still have a few, and when it comes to fleas, a few becomes a multitude in no time.
I am writing this in a room in which a dehumidifier (low humidity retards the hatching of flea eggs somehow) is running and there are three little contraptions that look like space ships hovering over pie plates of soapy liquid.
The problem started with the family of raccoons we had living in the wall — yes, right in your downtown. Tony Walker, a friend who helps us with these sorts of things, trapped the mother and released her into the wild. Three days later a young raccoon peeked through a hole in a bedroom wall he had gnawed out. Tony cut a larger hole and inserted a Havaheart trap. It took another three days to lure the two of them out. End of story, or so we thought.
Then there were the fleas the raccoons didn’t take with them.
On the subject of household remedies for pests, Tony is a walking Farmers’ Almanac.
Have a problem with fire ants? If you want them to move on, mix ground-up orange peel and water and dribble it about, says Tony. More drastic measures require another recipe altogether: dough balls of cat food, grape jelly and borax. The ants won’t eat it themselves — can you blame them? — but they feed it to the queen.
When I called Friday night for consultation, Tony said “1001 All-Natural Secrets for a Pest-free Property” by Dr. Myles H. Bader has been his bible.
Then, he proceeded to tell me a story about mice in the attic.
“My wife said, ‘you got to do something about those mice.'”
After consulting with Dr. Bader, Tony went to the heath food store and purchased several vials of peppermint oil. Mice are allergic to the stuff. Then Tony got a $2 water gun. “I gave it six good squirts into the insulation in the attic, and we’ve not had a mouse yet,” says Tony. “This book is chock full of secrets.”
One secret Tony’s book lacks is how to get rid of fleas in your house.
So anyway we’re sitting around the dinner table Friday night, the war-weary flea fighters taking a well-deserved respite with a dinner of cheese and crackers, a bowl of red cherries and homemade pickled peaches.
“We ought to watch Doctor Zhivago,” Beth says in what seemed to me the non sequitur of the evening.
Somehow I missed the news Omar Sharif had died.
“You know what Yogi Berra said about Doctor Zhivago?” John said.
“No.”
“Yogi Berra’s wife said, ‘Yogi, the son and I went to see Doctor Zhivago today.'”
“What’s wrong with him now?” Yogi replied.
Said Yogi once, “Even Napoleon had his Watergate.”
Here’s hoping that will be the case for our unwanted guests, and soon.
Birney Imes III is the immediate past publisher of The Dispatch.
You can help your community
Quality, in-depth journalism is essential to a healthy community. The Dispatch brings you the most complete reporting and insightful commentary in the Golden Triangle, but we need your help to continue our efforts. In the past week, our reporters have posted 37 articles to cdispatch.com. Please consider subscribing to our website for only $2.30 per week to help support local journalism and our community.