Once, I recall saying something negative to my wife about feminism.
The statement’s intent was far from misogynistic. It was something along the lines of critiquing a particular exercise of the feminist movement as closed-minded, super liberal and way over the top.
Realizing I had potentially stepped on toes, I immediately added, “Now, I’m saying this knowing I married a feminist, and I mean no disrespect.”
My wife’s unexpected reply puzzled me. She didn’t get mad or launch into a defense of whatever I had been critiquing.
She laughed, and said, “Honey, I would consider you a feminist, too.”
What? Not me.
Trying to be reasonable and fair does not make me an activist for women’s issues, I argued. I certainly don’t agree with the “feminist” stance on several matters, and the ones I do agree with are from nothing more than the pursuit of human decency.
She laughed again, adding a trailing, “Whatever you say,” as she went about her business.
Then, this presidential election happened, and I realized apparently accepting on its face that men and women should be treated equally and fair is a type of activism — one clearly dissident from the norm, even in 2016.
Being a father to three daughters — who I am trying to teach to pursue their dreams, fulfill their potential, give respect and expect it in return — Tuesday’s result punched me right in the gut.
My two oldest, ages 10 and 8, are aware enough to know what happened. They watched the news during the campaign, and they stared horrified at the television as the winner became clear.
Americans, men and women, had selected as our next leader a man who evaluates women primarily by their weight and appearance, referenced the size of his genitals during a nationally televised debate, said his celebrity permitted him to grab women by their genitals, defended sexual abuse allegations by saying some of the women weren’t attractive enough for him to bother with and passively referenced after another debate how he “wasn’t impressed” with his opponent’s hind side.
The voters, men and women, ultimately condoned every word with their ballots, and it was, at least in part, simply to keep from voting for a woman.
The phrase “Trump that B****” was used on official campaign material. Donald Trump voters, even those who didn’t particularly like him, accepted that, along with every other patently disrespectful thing the candidate said or did. Yet, they could accept nothing from Hillary Clinton.
This proves to me what I’ve long known and ignored. There’s a subtle sexism in our culture that keeps wages unequal, the glass ceiling intact and women “in their place.” It’s a culture that continues to make it exceedingly difficult for women to leave abusive relationships and denies them a level playing field in nearly every arena — again, in 2016.
Most of the time, this culture hides beyond clear detection. But when its norms are challenged, society meets that challenge with all the ferocity of racism, homophobia and xenophobia combined. What society is clearly willing to accept to keep from changing is, to borrow a term, deplorable.
Even so, I hope my children challenge those norms every day. I want Amelia and I to raise them to be strong enough to know sexism, in all forms, is unacceptable, even if their fellow Americans have awarded the White House to an unrepentant misogynist. I want them to highly value themselves, treat others with equal value and become who they want to be, not just some downsized version society decides it can handle from them.
I feel this way because my wife is right. I am a feminist, a husband to another, and proud father of who I hope to be three more.
Tuesday makes that job harder, but it also made me more determined to see it through.
Zack Plair is the managing editor for The Dispatch.
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