Our view: Our funny Valentine(s)

February 15, 2013 8:15:28 AM

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It is unfortunate that Valentine's Day fell on a Thursday this year, rather than a Monday or Tuesday. 

 

Typically, Mondays and Tuesdays are the days set aside for municipal meetings of various sorts, from city councils to aldermen, school boards to Convention and Visitors Bureaus. 

 

Given that Valentine's Day is a day set apart for love, those official bodies could certainly benefit from the spirit that accompanies this holiday.  

 

Captivated by the loving emotions of the day, we have set apart a few moments to pay tribute to the various boards and councils for whom we have often spoken of in harsh terms. 

 

Sadly, the greeting card industry has yet to tap into the woefully under-serviced market for cards tailored for official bodies. It is only a rumor that Lowndes County Supervisor Harry Sanders spent time in the card section at Walmart Tuesday looking for a card for the Columbus City Council. He simply could not find a card with the salutation that accurately expressed his sentiments. 

 

Like Sanders, we don't want to let the day pass without our expression of affection for all those public bodies who regularly supply us with a great bounty of editorial page fodder. 

 

So, with apologies to Walt Whitman, Robert Frost and William Shakespeare, we offer our own Valentine's Day greetings. 

 

 

 

To the Columbus-Lowndes Convention and Visitors Bureau, which instituted new guidelines for festival funding in August and has been vacillating over them ever since: 

 

 

 

Roses are red, 

 

And sometimes they're white, 

 

Let's start another festival, 

 

Just out of spite! 

 

 

 

To Columbus Police Department Chief Selvain McQueen, whose department sent just one case to the grand jury in January: 

 

 

 

O CAPTAIN! My Captain! Your patrol cops' work is done,  

 

They've arrested 40 dealers, but you've sent up just one. 

 

The judge appears, the time is near, the jury grand is seated, 

 

We hope they brought some books to read, 

 

Thanks to you, they'll surely need it. 

 

 

 

To Lowndes County Supervisor Leroy Brooks, whose condescending, often inflammatory rants at CVB meetings have become a standard part of the agenda in recent months: 

 

Some say the world will end in fire, 

 

Some say in a monsoon. 

 

The more we hear from Mr. Brooks, 

 

We hope it ends real soon. 

 

 

 

To the Columbus Municipal School District Board of Trustees, which still can't make up its mind what it will do with Lee Middle School: 

 

To sell or not to sell, that is the question: 

 

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer 

 

The bids and proposals of prospective tenants 

 

Or hold off until it falls to rubble. 

 

And by doing so, admit that doing nothing 

 

'Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished.