Like many moms today, Dena Nobles, a mother of four whose family lives in Starkville, will spend the day with her children. Her family usually spends Mother’s Day traveling to visit grandparents. The road trip is nice for Dena, who says her children are usually quiet in the car. Her spotless house is full of activity most of the time, what with four children, including a 4-year-old boy named Jake, a dog and Dena’s constant painting projects. At the center of the family’s life is Dena’s smiling, hugging, train-loving 11-year-old son, Max.
When Max was about 18 months old, Dena realized he wasn’t maturing developmentally as quickly as other children his age. She told her doctor something was wrong. When Max was about 2, the family learned he had sensory processing disorder, a disorder on the autism spectrum.
The family had to rearrange their lives, Dena said. Max’s disorder means that he has a difficult time processing sensory information. Certain noises upset him, and odors the rest of the family can’t even smell make him sick. The Nobles had to learn which restrooms had blow dryers to dry hands so they could avoid them. They don’t go to football games anymore.
Max has had to work a little harder to learn social skills. Being the boy between two girls in the family — his older sister, Caroline, is 13 and his younger sister, Cate, is 9 — meant he was forced to play and learn to communicate with other children his age. Watching actors in shows on TV has helped Max, who learns social skills better by watching first than by jumping straight into situations where he has to interact. He has had to work on making eye contact when he’s talking to someone.
Even before Max was officially diagnosed, Dena was doing research on autism and sensory process disorder. It wasn’t always easy; far less was known about autism a decade ago than now, she said. Still, she and her husband found therapists, teachers and organizations that could work with her son. Now Dena says that early intervention was key to helping Max, as it is to helping all kids on the autism spectrum.
“The more you can do at a young age … they’re better off,” she said.
A picture of a boy
Max is into trains and has been ever since he was a baby. He was so fixated on trains it was part of what made his parents suspect he has a disorder. He also likes submarines, airplanes and sea creatures, especially sea monsters. He watches documentaries about them on Netflix. Dena says he can’t remember names and faces particularly well, which is part of his disorder, but he can tell you all there is to know about sea creatures.
Max also loves hugs — so much so that he sometimes invades personal space, Dena said.
Lately he has also been into food. When his family discovered candy wrappers hidden behind the laundry machines, they asked Max how they got there. Perfectly straight-faced, Max replied that a raccoon must have left them there.
“There are things while I’m dealing with it, I’m not a happy camper, but I can look back at them and laugh,” said Dena.
When Max was younger, his mom kept a journal of all the funny things he did she wanted to remember. She still has it.
“It’s hysterical,” she said.
Autism
Autism is a spectrum disorder, which means no two people with autism look the same or have the same behaviors, said Hallie Smith, a graduate student studying school psychology at Mississippi State University. Smith has worked at the Autism and Developmental Disabilities Clinic on MSU’s campus since the clinic opened in March of 2014. The clinic works with people on the autism spectrum.
Life for parents with autistic children can be a lot more difficult than for other parents, said Smith.
“Things can get off track a lot easier,” Smith said. “Also it’s more stressful.”
Even getting up in the mornings and getting ready for the day can be a challenge for moms if their children’s routines get off track, Smith explained. Life is also much more expensive if children need special medicine or resources like therapy or physical care. Parents can have a difficult time finding reliable research about their child’s condition.
For Dena, something that has been extremely helpful has been finding and spending time with other parents with autistic children. It was one of her pieces of advice to parents who learn their child is autistic: Find other parents to talk to.
“There are several people who I can be at my wit’s end and I can call them and say, ‘I need help’,” Dena said.
These are the people who understand not just the challenges that comes with having an autistic child but the humor in different situations as well.
Dena’s other piece of advice is to do research.
She also thinks moms should focus always on what their children can do instead of what they can’t.
“Look at where our children are versus where they could be,” she said.
The best thing family members and friends of a family with an autistic child can do is get to know the child, said Smith, who has yet to work with an autistic child who does not have some unique talent or interest. She mentioned a client who loves dinosaurs and is more than happy to dish out dino facts to anyone who asks. Another child she works with has an amazing memory and can recite videos and other things he hears word for word and with the correct inflections, Smith said.
“Get to know the child,” she said.
It’s important to understand that there are differences between children on the autism spectrum and children who are not, but that doesn’t always mean you treat the children differently, Smith continued. Certainly you don’t stare when you see an autistic child in public, she stressed.
And for close friends or family, Smith said, one way to help could be to offer to keep the kids so parents can get some time to themselves for a couple of hours.
Mother’s Day
Max has made a lot of progress since he was a baby and Dena first learned he was on the autism spectrum. She has been lucky; Max has had access to the Autism Clinic where Smith works and the T.K. Martin Center across the street from it, a center that provides services for people with various disabilities. Max also has had great teachers, Dena said, along with therapists and close friends and family who have been supportive over the years.
“It takes a lot of other mothers to get Max where he is,” Dena said.
The best Mother’s Day gift Max ever gave Dena was a card. On the card, surrounded by pictures of submarines and trains, were the words “I love you.”
“For him to sit down and make a card for me … ” Dena said. “That made my day.”
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