Before his death, Boswell Kennard had already put together a detailed plan for his funeral arrangements.
He had plenty of time to consider them, after all. Kennard, a retired dairy farmer who spent his whole life in the Oktoc community of Oktibbeha County, passed away on March 30, less than two months before what would have been his 102nd birthday.
“He had everything planned,” said his son, Everett Kennard. “He wanted only a graveside funeral. He didn’t want any flowers. He never put on a tie in his life, so he said we weren’t going to bury him in a tie. He wanted the Presbyterian preacher to do the service. And he wanted the same (kind of) casket he bought for my mother when she passed away in 2009. I remember him pointing his finger at me and saying, ‘Don’t let Nina Welch (of Welch Funeral Home) sell you the more expensive one she tried to sell me when your mother passed.'”
Kennard was laid to rest at Oddfellows Cemetery in Starkville on April 1 with the graveside service he asked for, with just a few of his immediate family, including Everett and his two brothers, attending. It may have been the kind of understated, no-fuss arrangements he had insisted on. But for the family, his send-off was not what they imagined or hoped for.
Kennard was born in the year of one great pandemic — The Spanish Flu of 1918. His passing came during another, one that altered the family’s hopes for the sort of send-off the family patriarch and much-loved community member was due.
“I don’t know how many people would have gone to his funeral,” Everett Kennard said. “A bunch. Everybody knew him. People loved him.”
For the better part of a month, the Kennard family’s story has been more or less the same story for everyone who has lost family members.
Many of the time-honored rituals — memorial services packed with mourners, visitations where friends and family embrace and share in their sorrow, even graveside services open to anyone wanting to pay their respects — have been sacrificed as funeral homes maintain social distancing requirements enacted by the state to slow the spread of COVID-19 coronavirus.
“It’s different in so many ways,” said Dawn Pounders, who with her husband, Tim, has operated Lowndes Funeral Home in Columbus for 22 years. “There’s no shaking hands, no consoling, no loving on people. We live in Mississippi. That’s what we do. That’s so hard, but we don’t have any choice.”
Strict guidelines
Under Mississippi’s shelter in place guidelines, businesses that remain open must limit gatherings to 10 or fewer and observe the social distance order (people are required to stay at least six feet apart).
Those two measures have meant, in many cases, funerals have been limited to graveside services with only immediate family.
“A lot of our funerals are at the cemetery now,” said Matthew Lee, who grew up in his father’s funeral home (Lee-Sykes Funeral Home) in Columbus. “But even then, you’re talking about very, very small gatherings. When you have a pastor and staff, you may be talking about a funeral with only seven, eight family members. That’s hard, but that’s the way it has to be.”
Lee said Lee-Sykes still provides visitations, but strictly monitors the flow of visitors. Memorial services are still held at its two chapels, but again, the 10-person limit is strictly enforced.
“What we do is allow only two people per row with an empty row in between,” he said.
Billy Miller, manager of Welch Funeral Home, said trying to ensure the 10-person limit has led to some unusual practices.
“We’ve started not sending out obituaries until after the burial,” Miller said. “That’s mainly to discourage people from coming. Really, at this point, our funerals have become immediate family only.”
All three funeral homes provide videos of services, which allows those unable to attend services to watch remotely.
“We are livestreaming the services on Facebook,” Lee said. “For those who don’t want it on Facebook, who want a more private service, the video is on Funeral One, which can be accessed by a private link provided by the family and is password protected.”
Another emerging issue for funeral homes are the safety of their staff.
Miller, whose funeral home handled services for the Golden Triangle’s only COVID-19 death to date, said that burial prompted a new policy.
“Anyone who has died from the coronavirus is limited to cremation and direct burial with no embalming,” Miller said. “It’s a safety precaution. We are having a shortage of PPEs (personal protection equipment like masks and gloves). When we prepare a body, we have to wear protective suits, masks, gloves to guard against contagious disease. With a coronavirus case, we have to wear that gear twice, once when we pick up the body and then when we prepare the body. That’s why we’ve put in a policy that says there are no embalming for those who have died from the coronavirus.”
‘It’s very sad’
Representatives with all three funeral homes say families have been understanding about the new restrictions.
“We may have had one or two who objected,” Pounders said. “But the thing is, what we are doing is what every funeral home is doing. These aren’t our rules, but we have to comply with them. That’s true for every funeral home in the state.”
“Really, people have been understanding,” Lee said. “I think they understand we are doing what we have to do. It’s not really a choice.”
The necessity of the new rules doesn’t diminish the disappointment, though.
For the Kennard family, the restrictions meant losing the one part of Boswell Kennard’s funeral he had left to them.
“The one thing we wanted was to have a visitation, but we couldn’t do it,” Everett Kennard said. “I understand why. Still, that’s the thing that’s killing everybody. The support you get from the visitation is huge for the family. You can video the service, but that’s the one thing you can’t put on video — a handshake, a hug, just seeing somebody eye-to-eye and being able to express that support.
“That’s what’s happening everywhere, not just with us,” he added. “It’s very sad.”
Slim Smith is a columnist and feature writer for The Dispatch. His email address is [email protected].
You can help your community
Quality, in-depth journalism is essential to a healthy community. The Dispatch brings you the most complete reporting and insightful commentary in the Golden Triangle, but we need your help to continue our efforts. In the past week, our reporters have posted 37 articles to cdispatch.com. Please consider subscribing to our website for only $2.30 per week to help support local journalism and our community.