Steve Mullen: The light in August is overrated


Steve Mullen



I learned back in college that William Faulkner''s wife made a remark to him about the "light in August," giving him the name for one of his novels. (If you still can''t guess which one, Google it.)


Yes, there''s something about the light in August -- it''s hot and I hate it. Miss Estelle probably actually preferred the light in September, like the rest of sane humanity. Or October better yet.


It''s still hot but as the month draws to an end, there are signs of a cooldown. The kids are back in school. Snuggie ads are back on TV. Sweaters are back on the shelves at Old Navy, though no one around here will buy one until December. And, the air conditioner is finally catching up -- it actually stopped running for a whole three minutes between 3:30 and 4 a.m.



The biggest sign of all, is it''s football season again. Every time Brett Favre gets sacked, the temperature goes down another five degrees.


Locally, we''re most curious about how our college teams will do. Alabama fans have much to be proud of -- they are ranked No. 1 in most polls. Ole Miss and Mississippi State, not so much. I did notice that in the USA Today coaches'' poll, Ole Miss was nowhere near the top 25, but it got 48 votes. Mississippi State got one vote (no way to know who cast that lone vote, but I did notice Dan Mullen''s name among the voters).



2,530 calories on a sesame seed bun


Amid all the screaming over the Mosque Near Ground Zero, we almost missed the important development out of the Burger King Near Ground Zero.


The company began test-marketing the NY Pizza Burger, "four Whopper patties, slices of pepperoni and mozzarella cheese with marinara and Tuscan sauce on a sesame seed bun," at restaurants in the city.


Unlike the mosque, which isn''t exactly a mosque, I think this burger, which isn''t exactly a burger, is going to be a hit. It has everything going for it. At 2,530 calories, it makes the 540-calorie Double-Down from KFC look like health food. (If you''ve forgotten about the Double-Down, it''s the bacon-cheese sandwich that has two pieces of fried chicken for a bun instead of bread.)


To be fair, Burger King claims the Pizza Burger is six servings, and should be shared. But we won''t judge you if you order one just for yourself. If you''re feeling guilty, just get a couple of triple Whoppers, which contain 1,250 calories each.



No worries


The 10-year-old mentioned after school that she got "bit by fire ants all up and down my arm" after sitting on an anthill on the playground. She showed off her arm to her mother, who didn''t see any discernible injury.


Children are around to help you remember a time when your biggest concern was sitting on an ant mound, real or imagined.


I asked the 8-year-old what the last thing was that bit her. "A mosquito and that''s it," she said.



Steve Mullen is Managing Editor of The Dispatch.


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