Rae Ann Gruver can remember dropping off her son, Max, for the last time at Louisiana State University.
It was Aug. 15, 2017. It was, she said, a moment she’ll never forget. Her last photo with Max is from that day as they hugged while he moved in at LSU.
“It was the last time I felt his arms around me giving me his huge hug,” she said. “It was the last time I saw him with a smile. It was the last time I was able to look into his eyes and tell him I loved him, that I was really proud of him and that I was going to miss him.”
Less than a month later, Max choked to death on his own vomit after being forced to drink a high quantity of 190-proof alcohol at a “Bible Study” for LSU’s Phi Delta Theta fraternity, to which he was pledging.
Rae Ann said Max had a blood alcohol content of .495 before he died.
‘Hazed then ignored’
Rae Ann was one of two mothers who spoke at a “Stand to Stop Hazing” event at Mississippi State University Wednesday evening. The event, hosted by the Alpha Delta Pi and Sigma Alpha Epsilon fraternities in the Humphrey Coliseum, focused on encouraging students to not engage in hazing behavior and to report any instances they see. Both Rae Ann and speaker Evelyn Piazza told their sons’ stories.
Rae Ann said the fraternity event where her son died lasted less than two hours, and Max was forced to drink 10 to 12 “pulls” — drinking until told to stop — from the liquor because he incorrectly answered some questions about the fraternity during “Bible Study” and had been late for some other events.
After drinking the alcohol, he was left on a couch to recover.
“Brothers observed him at different points with labored breathing, cold clammy skin, his lips and fingers turning blue, and a weak pulse,” Rae Ann said. “They were even checking his pulse and his breathing throughout the night. If you are checking a person’s breathing and pulse, you need to be calling 911 — the situation is out of your control.”
Piazza spoke about her own son, Tim, who died in February 2017 at Penn State University from another hazing incident.
Piazza was forced to drink a high volume of alcohol — 18 drinks in 82 minutes during what Evelyn said fraternity members called “The Gauntlet” — and reportedly fell down basement stairs in the Beta Theta Pi fraternity house and suffered serious injuries. By the time his fraternity brothers called for medical treatment — more than 12 hours after his fall — it was too late.
Evelyn told students to put themselves in the shoes of Tim’s younger brother, who called the hospital to see if Tim was there, after realizing something was wrong.
“You rush to the hospital and see your brother on life support. Neck brace, bruises and blood on his body and head,” she said. “The doctor tells you it’s bad — that he has a subdural hematoma, which is bleeding in his brain, his spleen is ruptured, he has a punctured lung and he needs a blood transfusion because as it turns out, 80 percent of his body’s blood is in his abdomen.”
Tim was rushed from Mount Nittany Medical Center to Penn State Milton S. Hershey Medical Center, where about half of his skull had to be removed to relieve pressure from his swelling brain.
He died in the early morning hours of Feb. 4.
“He was a good kid,” Evelyn said. “He wasn’t a risk taker. He wasn’t a drinker. He was a good student. He had a long-time girlfriend who he was planning a future with. He had great friends and roommates. He had plans for his future at school and for his career.
“He was the main person who was hazed and then ignored,” she continued. “Tortured, and left to die because the fraternity did not want to get in trouble.”
Rae Ann said the consequences of the hazing still linger with the families to this day.
“This is our new normal and it really sucks,” she said. “Nothing’s ever the same. The last 16 months of our family’s life have been different — we are missing a super-important part of our family. Holidays are terrible. Max’s birthday is this Sunday. He’s supposed to be 20 years old and we’ll be going to his gravesite to celebrate his birthday with him. I want you to imagine your parents doing that on your birthdays.”
‘Power and control’
Evelyn and Rae Ann encouraged students to say something if they see hazing, even if it means getting in trouble. Taking the trouble, they said, is better than someone dying or being seriously injured.
“What if you get an underage drinking charge?” Evelyn said. “So you have to maybe take an alcohol awareness course and pay a small fine. But you know that you did the right thing — it’s not on your conscience.
“If something goes wrong because you didn’t want to get the organization in trouble, it is on your conscience for the rest of your life,” she added. “You could have saved them — you could have saved their family and friends from that heartache. Always do the right thing and call for help.”
They also pointed out that most states, including Mississippi, have medical amnesty laws that allow for someone to call for help without getting in trouble.
Rae Ann said hazing is viewed as something harmless, or as a bonding experience. That perception, she said, is false. Hazing has a range of consequences, from physical and psychological trauma to death.
“Hazing is often about power and control,” she said. “You do whatever it takes to prove your loyalty and commitment. Hazing is more than peer pressure. Hazing involves bullying also. Hazing is being under distress, which is why a victim’s agreement to participate cannot be a defense. Hazing does not build unity and should not be a defense.”
Alex Holloway was formerly a reporter with The Dispatch.
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