In the beginning (of the season), Dan Mullen created the playbook.
And the schedule was void of wins and there was no preseason ranking for the Bulldogs.
And Mullen said, “Let Dak Prescott pass for four touchdowns and catch a pass for another.” And, lo, the Bulldogs did smite the Eagles. And Mullen saw that this was good. A 49-0 victory against Southern Mississippi was the first week.
And Mullen said, “Sure, we are 1-0, but Alabama-Birmingham is a much-improved team.” Yet the Bulldogs did slay the Blazers, although the defense gave up too many long pass plays. “It is not good that our secondary should do this,” Dan said. “We shall need to get that cleaned up.”
A 47-34 victory against UAB was the second week.
And Mullen said, “We shall invade the hosts of the Jaguars.” And the Bulldogs did venture away from hearth and home and did subdue South Alabama, although they still looked a little sloppy at times.
And a 35-3 victory against South Alabama was the third week.
Mullen looked upon the rankings and, behold, there was no Mississippi State.
“It is not good that we should play the cream puffs,” Mullen said, “so we shall go Baton Rouge. And yea, though thou shall walk through the Valley of Death, thou shall fear no evil. For Dak is with thee. His arm and his legs shall comfort thee.”
And Dak did strike down the mighty Tigers. And the pollsters saw that this was good.
And a 34-29 victory against eighth-ranked LSU was the fourth week.
And, behold, the mighty host of the Aggies did descend upon the 12th-ranked Bulldogs and did strike a might blow against MSU for a 7-0 lead in the opening minutes.
“Be not afraid,” Mullen said. “Dak shall throw for two touchdowns, run for three more. And, thou, Josh Robinson, though they mayest be short in stature, thou shalt run and not grow weary. Thus, sayeth the coach.”
A 48-31 victory against No. 6 Texas A&M was the fifth week.
And, lo, the Bulldogs shot up to No. 3 in all the land, but couldn’t afford to get cocky about it because the camp of the No. 2 Auburn Tigers had assembled outside the gates of Davis Wade Stadium, along with ESPN’s GameDay crew and a student body that hadn’t slept in 72 hours as the kickoff approached.
Yea, the Bulldogs did rise up to smite the Tigers anon and anon, building a 21-0 lead in the first quarter.
But in the second quarter, the Bulldogs did transgress. Dak did throw two interceptions, one in the Tigers’ end zone, and even the punter did throw an interception. And there was a fumbled punt. And this did grieve Mullen. “Verily, verily. You guys are killin’ me. Just killin’ me,” he spake.
“Indeed, thou has stricken the defense with grievous blows,” spake Bulldog defensive coordinator Geoff Collins, “but it is not a wound unto death. We shall stiffen against the host of the Tigers’ offense and shall overcome.”
And thus, in the final quarter did the Bulldogs force a fumble to set up a field goal and grab an interception to sealeth the victory.
And there was much rejoicing.
A 38-23 victory against No. 2 Auburn was the sixth week.
“Surely, thou shalt be ranked No. 1,’ the assembled scribes assured Mullen. “For broad is the path and easy the way of the Seminoles. Let’s face it: They’ve beat a bunch of chumps. But, thou, Bulldogs, have thrice beaten teams in the top 10 in as many weeks. Thou art surely worthy of honor and glory.”
And Mullen did look upon all that the Bulldogs had accomplished and saw that it was very good, except the turnovers (still got to get that cleaned up).
And on seventh week, the Bulldogs will rest.
Thus it is written.
Slim Smith is a columnist and feature writer for The Dispatch. His email address is [email protected]
Slim Smith is a columnist and feature writer for The Dispatch. His email address is [email protected].
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